It’s October again
My posts have been somewhat gloomy of late, I admit. Not intentionally so, but my mind has been pre-occupied with my heart. It’s not a bad thing, for a little introspection goes a long way, but for readers-sake, I will lighten up, lest my notions scare you into thinking I’m one of those pre-menstrual pre-occupied pre-fixed woman who can think of nothing else but love and hurt. It is October again after all, one more year’s come and gone.
I believe that people don’t really look back over the year in December/January as the New Year’s resolution posters make you believe. I think we start the process round about this time of year, particularly in South Africa. Who wants to think back on the lessons of the year when you’re on vacation anyway? We all work hard throughout the year – the holidays are meant for enjoyment, not enlightenment.
So even though it may be peremptory, since there is still much to come from this year, I’d like to pause and look back over the year as it stands for a brief moment.
Firstly, I have a new self-assurance about my chosen profession. I’m standing at the brink of being admitted as an attorney and I am quite humbled by the pleasure I feel daily in my work, and how lucky I have been. Of course, it was not all sunshine and roses, but, I made it and I have reached all the goals I set out to achieve. That is certainly not something to snicker at in anyone’s books.
Of course, when one speaks about your work, the inevitable concept of ‘things’ filter into the equation. It’s not about my bank balance, but I do want to commend myself for finding my own little home. It may be small, but it is my own space and was a welcome change after living with other people for too long. I have much still to accomplish, but it is a start, and a good one at that.
Secondly, I have found a new connection with my family, and even though they are further away than what I would like, they are just far enough to let me enjoy the freedom of individuality that has for so long eluded me, and through that, I was able to tie myself in with them, and identify with their closeness of connection.
Most importantly, I have found the bountiful blessing that comes from having true friends. I have made so many new friends this year, and even though I will not attempt to exalt the worth of one over another, I thank each and every one of them for the way in which they have touched my life this year and I can only hope that next year will bring a new depth to connections already formed and even more new faces to light up my life.
I have also started to find my social groove again after years of secluding myself with the solace of my own obscure reality. I decided last year that I must and will be more open to new experiences, and it has brought about a great magnitude of memories. The refreshing change that comes from becoming a ‘yes’ person has been exhilarating.
Lastly, and not to pause on relationships again, I have had the pleasure of some seriously sexy crushes this year, who will remain nameless of course. Even though I fear I still have some way to go before I’m really relationship ready, it has been great to indulge in the simple act of liking someone. But you’re still single? you may ponder. Sure, that is true, but it was never really about any guy liking me this year, it was about me realising that I can still feel that way or in any way at all, and in that, there is certainly hope. Besides, the year is not over yet, and I may still find exactly what I’m looking for.
To play devil’s advocate, the year had it’s share of hellish times filled with the worst sort of doubt, fear and hurt, but that is life. You take the bad with the good, and you deal with it, making the best of any given circumstance in the hope that the good will overshadow the bad and leave you hopeful for more good in spite of it all….
It has been a good year for me, one which has left me anything but sullen, and one that has me valiantly looking forward to the next year, in all it‘s might and might not‘s.