Perception (yours is wrong)

You know what, I have bit my lip and held my tongue a lot in this life even though I talk a lot and, except if you’re a friend in the very inner circle of my own sanctity, you probably don’t know my real opinion, so don’t make assumptions.

I have conducted an experiment of sorts on this, and it’s amusing to no end how, more often than not, people get it wrong. Particularly when it comes to male/female interrelationships. I think I have isolated the problem, and damned if I will not share it with you here in my little corner where the truth according to me unravels for all to hear.

The problem, if you ask me, is that people have become so acclimatised thereto that there is always a hidden meaning behind every subtle trivial nuance of another’s behaviour that they wouldn’t know the truth if it hit them over the head with an anvil. Then, when they are actually confronted with the truth, they are so convinced by their own construed perception that it is not truth, they completely miss the boat.

This hypothesis of mine is strengthened all the more by my favourite Latin legal term. De minimis non curat lex. ‘The law does not concern itself with trivialities‘. Really think about that for a moment, if you will. If the law of the land, the law that governs you and me alike, the law that stems from the Roman Empire long before you or your bloodline were even a thought, and that has held this principle in such high regard that it is part of the inherent jurisprudence of the law itself; if the law that stems from a need to control chaos by placing boundaries on individual freedoms for the greater good of the population in general, does not concern itself with the trivial things, how on earth do you think it will aide you in your cause to do it? Catch a wake up call, why don’t you.


Now sure, because I talk a lot, I have found that my best defence is a good offence. I do not shy away from telling the truth in all its misshapen glory. There are three main reasons for this, none of which stems from some deeper moral compass, but they are my truths and therefore deemed to be part of my morality in that way.

One, the sheer volume with which my tongue speaks words does not allow for my brain to think long enough to conjure up a lie. Two, when you talk this much, it would be futile and exhausting to keep the number of lies that would directly collate therewith straight. Three (and please listen closely now) I like knowing where I stand.

The latter is where the problem presents itself for me personally. It seems that while I am all too quick to offer people the courtesy of telling them where they stand with me, I am not often on the receiving end of that same courtesy. If you combine this with the fact that I am about the LEAST patient person you will ever meet, the end result is one seriously annoyed person.


Example time…I met a guy the other night, and like I have done with many before him, I asked him directly what it is that he wants from me. Fair question, right? He explained, I listened intently, and agreed to said terms. I asked but one thing in return for playing by his rules. He immediately said that I would want him to not break my heart. No, I said. Confused, he stared. I explained that a broken heart mends, and I’m quite strong enough to handle hurt. I am aware of the risks of entering into any relationship – whether the nature thereof be with a man or a friendship. I may get hurt – it’s right there in the fine print. Doesn’t bother me that much anymore. I have my big girl panties on to deal.


What does bother me, and the one thing that I ask in return, is for any person in my life not to beat around the bush with me (read: douchebag theory). I am not a little kid who is going to throw her toys out of the cot the moment things do not go exactly my way. I am also a very shrewd person with an intellect that has been intimidated by only one man. Ever. (Don’t worry, I’ll still regale you with more fables of Mr Vino Veritas one day). I am therefore a grown up, and if you treat me with respect and speak to me directly without malice intent, I will actually listen. How about that?



The attorney in me begs my indulgence for a quick insert of a disclaimer clause here. The above example is not the whole story of what happened there (it’s a happy story, don’t worry), and the said gentleman is a great guy who has so far given me no reason to doubt his refreshing honesty and I am taking liberties by using him as an exposé to make my point, but I do so in the knowledge that he is for all intents and purposes a rare fellow-uncomplicated soul who I am sure will continue to be honest with me, and who, for the purposes of this here rambling, will understand the point.

The point which is this – if you say something, mean it. If you do something, feel it, and if you encounter someone else, stop trying to bloody analyse every small detail of the small details. Once you let go of that, you will find yourself liberated from a lot of complicated retaliations to prove something that is lost in translation to begin with anyway.