No thought to consequence
Today, right now, I am angry. I am angry in a way that I have not been in a long time. I’m livid and pretty much know that if I don’t say something here to get my anger in control by blowing of steam, there are going to be some phone calls that I am better left not making. Today I’m going to say it, because I can only keep quite so long.
It may be a vent and you may be excused from listening, but today I’m telling these douche bag guys that have come and gone in my life for the past couple of months, that it’s not okay – that what each and every one of them did to me was so uncool and that I am angry. That they are total hypocrites for saying they are nice guys, when in fact they are not, and they should be ashamed of themselves. That when I kiss a guy I make it abundantly clear that I’m not doing it for shits and giggles – I’m interested. That it is deplorably, incontrovertibly wrong that they gave me bullshit lines and I believed them with all the ignorance of a woman trying not to loose her total faith in love and humanity.
And then for good measure you somehow turn around and make me feel like I’m this giant freak who needs to learn how to relax, that the fact that I’m not happy about what happened is WRONG. That liking you is somehow a FLAW I have. That I’m to blame and to be treated like a leper or a liar. That me expecting you to simply pick up the phone and call me after you told me that you liked me is something from another planet, that I’m being needy or clingy or one of those effing things that girls are.
I’m not. You asshole. I’m worth more, sure, and I’m a great girlfriend, aces. But I’m a PERSON. I work 13 hour days most of the time, I have a demanding profession in which I plan to be very successful in, I have friends, I have family, books, music, hobbies, passions, dreams, desires and a life above and beyond the realm of your existence. Sure, I like you, that much is clear, but it does not make my life stop and it certainly does not make for you to be acting like I’m a psycho-stalker. You would think that after sticking your tongue in my mouth you’d at least show a little bit of respect. Not for one moment could you have doubted my intentions. You knew, and you did it anyway. I may not be a saint, but I’m a long shot from the sinner here.
So get over yourself, I’m hurt, well done, you hurt my feelings. Are you happy now? I like you and you didn’t like me back. It didn’t stop you from misusing that fact for your own personal gain at my expense, of course. Sucks to be me, I guess. Only it doesn’t really. Suck. I mean.
Bet you’re feeling mighty fine about yourself right about now. Well done. Remind me to give you a pat on the back and a boot on the ass.