To set the record straight, M’Lord
I have been absent in my writings of late for two reasons.
One, I am up to my eyeballs in crocodiles with the work load I’m carrying. This does not bother me, as I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere. For those of you who do not know, this girl whose heart is thumping all over the pages of this blog is an attorney. A specialist attorney in family and personal law. A busy attorney with a case load that isn’t showing signs of stop.
I have recently been asked to stay on at my firm as what we call a professional assistant. I’m elated. This comes with the perks of more flexible work hours (those of you who actually do work flexi time realise right away that this just means work harder for longer), more cash in the bank at the end of the month (to pay more bills) and more work responsibility (if you mess up, it’s your problem baby).
Ok, all of that sounds pretty bleak as perks go, but then I should have preempted all this by saying one thing. I LOVE MY WORK. I do, it is the reason for my journey called life. Everything else may change, but in this sphere, in this part of my life, I am not only in control, but I am clear about my goals and dreams. This is only the beginning. I am tired and have way to much stress weighing in on on life. But I’m as happy as I can ever imagine to be. This is me. This is not my job, it is who I am and what I am meant to do with my life. I have never wanted anything as much as I want this. Ever…
Oh, and did I mention, my name, yes MY NAME is on the letterhead. Right there baby. How sexy is that!!
But, there is a point two to the non-writing.
It’s because I don’t know how to say what I want to say about my personal stuff right now. And that’s because the said above greatness of business has kept me from really dealing with it. And by dealing with it, I don’t mean some deep soul searching on a sabbatical. I have nothing to deal with. It’s all actually pretty simple. Except there’s this thing I should have done that I didn’t and now I regret it and I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to do it now.
See, I really actually mean a quick conversation that I have to straighten out. Not because it is complicated, and not because it will complicate things – quite frankly, I think it will untangle a lot of stuff. Now sure, I’m being over analytical. I KNOW. I know that my impatience and lack of relaxing causes me to think about things in a way that normal people just, well, don’t. Doesn’t change a damn thing for me now does it? You can be as normal and think as normal as you want to. That isn’t me.
So here is the conundrum I face. I don’t do ‘let’s talk’ conversations. It sounds pathetic and quite frankly, even girls are totally wierded out by that tone of anything. I also don’t want to do a ‘here’s the story’ email. It sounds way more serious than it is. I am also astutely aware of the fact that it is MY niggle, MY need, that is asking for this catch-up of fact that I feel has now become the inevitable conversation running loop in my head. But then, I don’t want to bother people either. When you’re stressed out and life is so busy, the last thing you want is to deal with stuff that really can wait for another time. But then, when is that other time? We’re all busy, all the time. Believe me, I wish I was more of water of a ducks back kind of quack, but I’m not.
And so I’m trying really really really hard to be patient, which we all know is like asking me to shut up. Impossible. So in lieu of that I’m trying really really hard to not blog about it, since that’s what I do – write about the things in my life. But this is about people, and I promised myself that I will not write about someone or something prematurely. My blog is not the place for me to surprise reveal stuff that I have not directly handled. I’m a grown up and I’m not passive aggressive like that. But then, maybe this blog is a little passive aggressive? Isn’t it? Well, I hope not. I’m just rambling. Needed to. Wanted to. Feel a bit out of sorts when I don’t write or talk. And I can’t do either right now. So I’m rambling. Jeez, got to stop now. I’m really just saying that I’m sorry I’m not writing – I have nothing I can say right now…
For now, it’s on my to do list. Will have to wait for another day. Not today.
Till then… ;)