20 May 2011: How to cut your wrists safely the day before a rapture with a slash that’s been removed.

And so the world may come to an end on 21 May 2011. How doom and gloom. I WAS going to write about that and the wonderful things in my life and how grateful I am every day for how awesome things are, but then when I opened up my trusty dashboard to write this here hunk of junk, you know what I saw?

My blog apparently features as one of the top results if you search under “how to cut your wrists safely“. I mean, I’m offended by the notion of putting “cutting” and “safely” in the same sentence as “wrists“, albeit that I am highly intrigued too. WHAAT? It’s like a train crash. We all know it’s horrific, sad, blah, blah, but you cannot look away, can you? How would one go about such folly as cutting your wrists safely? I mean, even if it doesn’t cause you much harm per se, it’s still using a sharp object of sorts. That’s not safe. Ever. Where did these people go to kindergarten? Run with scissors much?

And for the love of Pete (or I guess, the emo hate of Pete) WHY? But, no judgment on this blog. If that’s your thing, it’s your thing. Just don’t call it safe and expect me to not point out the irony. It’s safe like parachuting is safe. It’s all fun and games till the shoot doesn’t open. Then you die. NOT safe. Your choice of extracurricular activity. Sure. But NOT safe.

I guess I skipped out on emo class that day. I’m much more old school when it comes to dealing with my pain and anguish. Give me a bottle of liquor and some solitude and I’ll cry that river right out of me, build a poorly constructed bridge and get the fuck over it. The only scars I have are on my liver. Which, on that note, the Dear Doc says I’ll live. I’m not quite normal, apparently a bit too red blooded under the collar – who’d have thunk it – but I’m fine. Yippee for safely partying just under the danger zone! (Wait for it, the irony of what I just said in relation to my post will hit you… If not, never mind… It’s not that significant, just like your brain apparently.)

Either way, I was going to post about something else today. Perhaps a happy moment or such, but since my week has been filled with the doom and gloom of seeing my Dear Doc, a heavy work load, visiting The Dentist, the overall smite of the pending Rapture of the morrow, a boy/friend who is out of town for the weekend and The Best Friend has been away for the week, to name but a few sucky things this week has decided fit and proper to throw my way, I guess it’s only suitable that my post is somewhat on the dark side of days.

However, just to play devil’s advocate for a moment here (my job, after all) I have searched on Google and in wordpress search and cannot actually find a link between my blog and the phrase “how to cut your wrists safely“, so that’s a bonus. Also, I have removed the “/” from the boy/friend’s title. Yes, I know, I still used it there. It’s removed in my mind, ok? That’s a good start for me. I’m starting to think about the future in terms of my career, there being so much I still want to accomplish. I have reconnected with an old friend thanks to the wonders of technology. I slept over 10 hours last night, straight. No waking moment. UNbeeelievable! And to top it all off, I have plans with my darling Boy that is Friend tonight and that, my dear friends, should the rapture come in the morning, is not a bad way to go out.