Is it wrong?
The other day, a friend told me that I take in too many strays, that I care too much about others and give away too much of myself. It’s not the first time this has been mentioned. It’s not the first person to question why I’m so completely there for others, when I’m not there for myself.
I guess at first, people think I do it because I’m looking for approval through self-sacrifice. Or they think I’m a sucker for being used by those who hardly think about me in return.
I have been wondering why it is so easy for me to care for others when I seem to forget to care about myself every day. What I have been able to come up with, is this:
I know what it is like to feel like you are on the outside looking in at a world full of happy people that you can never quite be a part of. I know what it feels like to feel rejected and alone and lonely when you’re sitting right next to people. Above everything, I know what it feels like to not fit in anywhere.
A sense of community is the basis of all society. We live together in towns and cities amongst neighbours and friends and families, we forge bonds and cultivate relationships in the faint hope that we will find those who are most like us and through that find a sense of purpose and belonging.
But, there are those amongst us – me included – who seem to never quite have a place in this world. Not all those who wander, are lost, however…
So I continue to care, and is that so wrong? For in our misfit to society and in our misdirected minds, do we not find solace in knowing that while we do not fit in anywhere, at least we’re all together in this misplacement?
Granted, my choice may not be the easy one, but I dare say that if there was another way, it is unknown to me. I am how I am, I don’t expect you to understand it – I have never expected people to understand me. I do hope, however, that a part of you will be touched and feel just a bit better for knowing that there is at least one place in this space and time where you can come to simply be, and that is here with me…