I am standing right here.
I am within your sight but forgotten from your mind. I rue the day that my heart took flight and spotted you from a mile away just to remind me how far away you really are from me.
All that really matters in this life IS to matter. And what I wonder now, is do I? Not in the specific sense, but in the wider sense of the world. The greatest question you will ever ask yourself is “did I matter today?” Did my actions and presence fulfil some meaning to make me matter to this world.
Forget for a moment your infatuation with the boy who may or may not like you, or the friend who may or may not be true. Ask yourself rather whether you will mean something regardless of the exterior, regardless of the people. Will YOU matter? What are you doing to make your life important to YOU. For this, my dear readers, is the real truth. Who you are must matter to YOU first and foremost. If you do not matter to yourself, how will you matter to those around you? Do things every day that scares you. Tackle every day a fresh and make it better, make it yours, make of it and mould it into what you want.
The point is to reach YOUR goals, no-one elses. And if one of your goals is not to end up all on your aces, we have to all believe and hope against all truth that by fulfilling our own goals, the wish of meeting someone to share them with will be more easily attainable. If you, like me, believe that sharing your life with someone who matters and who values you in return, then surely you cannot put the cart in front of the horse. Surely you must first pursue that which, in the greater scheme of things, are your “smaller” goals. Your biggest goal in life can only be achieved by rising to the challenge and first complete the smaller tasks before you master the biggest quest.
I may be wrong, I may be jaded and too far gone to think about love rationally, logically or even psychologically or emotionally… But that is the target I’m working towards – giving my own life more structure and purpose in the hopes that somewhere after the hard work, blood shed and too many tears, the one thing that currently seems unattainable, will suddenly seem less uncertain and maybe just once someone will see me for who I truly arm because I see myself that way. After all, all it takes is that one someone.
Until then, I’ll keep looking at myself…